Storytellers are amazing! If you have ever watched a skilled storyteller, you know what I mean. These individuals have the ability to transport their listeners anywhere in the galaxy! Through the use of their words, their tone, their gestures they take us to places unknown.
When you experience a move of God all you want to do is tell people about what God has done. Filled with such hope and confidence, all you want to do is share it. So here I was completely intent on telling my story any and every chance I got when something unexpected happened. All of a sudden, I lost all motivation to tell my story. The bizarre confidence I had gained in telling my story was gone. I looked up and all of a sudden my story had lost its excitement. What I once felt could not be stopped had come to a screeching halt. So hold on...what has just happened here?! I was just soaring above the trees telling my story of hope to all who might come along and then...thud.
I awoke with a mouth full of dirt, face firmly planted on the ground. I picked myself up and dusted off the soil from my clothes. Now, I had mentioned in my prior two posts that my story was becoming increasingly more real the more that I told it. So what would happen if I stopped telling it? Would my story be any different? If my story loses steam what happens? Does it change my story?
A lesson I have learned in other areas of my life is that what we do not know has the potential to hurt us. Early in the sharing of our story, we must learn to choose wisely who we share it with. When God moves we want to shout it from the mountaintops, but what we may not realize is there is a time for everything. Early in the process of telling your story, the response of others can play a crucial role in fueling your story.
Who we choose to share it with can have damaging consequences. It can fan the flame or it has the power to extinguish your flame. This is the perfect time to take it to God. Ask Him who you should share your story with and when. Seek His guidance before you blurt out all that God has done! The time will come when you share your story with anyone willing to listen, but now is not the time. Pray often and choose wisely...
So, here I stood a new person! I was so excited and so scared at the same time. Excited for what God had done, scared to go back to the Spirit of Fear I knew too well. I had yet to tell a soul. Until one morning when God told me to tell my daughter who was nine at the time. We had about twenty or thirty minutes drive to get where we were going. So how do I explain this to a nine year old? Somehow God gave me the words to say. The more I told, the more excitement and confidence I gained. I dropped her off at her grandma’s and headed to my counselor’s office. On my drive there God told me to tell my counselor. After telling my counselor, I left his office and began my way back home.
I can not remember how, but before I knew it I was telling my mom over the phone. My story was becoming real the more I told it. The next thing I remember was being at a client’s office and God telling me to tell my client. God began to use my story to speak to other people. He was saying things to people I do not remember saying. Weird, I know.
During my time with my client, she asked me to stop so she could write something down. I was baffled that God would say something to others through my story. It was clear by now that I had to continue telling my story. I remember distinctly having a conversation with God before telling my client. I say conversation, but I was largely debating with God as to why I should tell my client.
I was silly to try and debate with God, but I was being real. In this dialog God revealed two things to me. One, God did not write my story so I could keep it to myself. Two, I needed to tell my story as much as other people needed to hear it. Telling it was essential to my healing.
So I had told most of the people who needed to hear it, but I shied away from telling my wife Kristi. Of anyone who needed to hear it, She did, but I was afraid. What if it did not last? How hard it would be for her to hear this and then see me backslide towards a Sprit of Fear. The time had come to tell her and I could not hide from it anymore.
Of anyone who needed this story besides myself, Kristi was on the top of my list. She had seen me at my worst and knew my anxiety might not go away. She had taken care of me when I could not take care of myself. I feel she was as hesitant to believe in this miracle as I was. Mainly because it would change everything about our lives going forward.