All Consuming Fear
by Craig Booker
There are very few people who truly understand what it is like to be consumed by fear. I sometimes find it difficult to read others accounts or best practices because their stories quickly reveal their ignorance. People who occasionally dabble in fear have no idea what it is like to look through the lens of fear every moment of every day. Reading another person's account of fear is sometimes helpful, so I try not to hold their innocence against them. I realize this is merely their interpretation of what fear is like and I try to honor their courage in sharing their story. I caution myself against titling an article with words which lend itself to clickbait or quick self-help because I realize that those articles over-promise and rarely ever deliver on their title.
Searching For Understanding
Typically by now, I would have done a great deal to try to write something which would draw you, the reader, into reading the rest of what I have to say. But from what I know about fear, I understand that if you have experienced fear on a deep level as some have, you are searching for anyone who understands it as you do. I promise to give you an honest take on my experience as well as what has proven helpful and I promise no self-help gimmicks. In my journey in dealing with fear, I have yet to find someone who I can relate to who has experienced fear on the same level. So here's to sharing my account in hopes that God will provide the blessing of understanding to you through my story.
Entrenched in Fear
I awake to a pitch black room lost as to why I am awake or where I am. Fear is racing through my body as if to try to intimidate the blood which occupies my veins. I am cold, shivering and it is still dark outside. Everything in me tells me to get back into the safety of my bed and I am lost as to the time of day. I look to my phone and quickly discover it is morning and I already feel completely behind. I cannot seem to escape the fear which I awoke to what seems like only moments ago. My mind is sharply focused on protection and I somehow wonder if I am in any real danger. As I begin to make my way to the bathroom listening for evidence, I realize that I am in no real danger. I wonder what has occurred to raise all my body's defenses, but I assure myself that if I just make it to the bathroom, then I'll be alright.
A Common Misunderstanding
What I have just described is quite common to the last 15 years of my adult life experience. What I do know is fear tends to be at its best between 1-6 am. It hides in the recesses of our psyche and pushes its way to the forefront whenever it pleases. I won't be so quaint as to ascribe everything to our Enemy, Satan. I am quite familiar with his methods and I do believe he loves to torment God's children. I have also dealt with this long enough to experience the byproduct of my fellow good-hearted Jesus followers who tell me to "Give it to God," or "let go, and let God" only to follow by sharing their favorite Bible verses on fear as if it will magically fix everything I have suffered through for years. I am not discounting the truth of what they say nor the power of scripture or prayer, but these offers of easy solutions quickly reveal the shallowness of their understanding.
I wish that I had quick and easily pocketable solutions which would take away the sting or peal back the dominance of your fear. I am NOT a doctor NOR an expert in treating chronic conditions of anxiety or fear. I have purposefully left out a list of my favorite Bible verses as I know that throwing them out there without the proper context can seem to minimize another's suffering. I have seen very basic things provide momentary relief from what seems like a lifetime lived in fear. I have also seen that leaning too much on prescription medication for anxiety, depression, and OCD can prove dangerous. I have been blessed by a great counselor and experienced a lot of good from what they would refer to as cognitive behavioral therapy. What this really boils down to for me is someone who knows how to listen and when to interject in the conversation. I have experienced miracles which only can be likened to those in the Bible.
I find myself creeping up on 800 words feeling like I should have some hack of a solution which will take away the problem, but I don't. What I hope is that my story has somehow encouraged even just one person who feels like no one understands them. Reach out to me on Twitter if you would like to connect.